Day 9 – Why does it have to end?

I tell myself – this is it! This is the life you want to live. This is what you want from your life. You want to be next to nature, explore new sights and sounds that give you more soul, creating new life experiences, feeling the pulse of mother earth, singing with the tunes of an ancient Indian flute, feeling the gust of wind on the rim of a canyon, hearing the water break against the banks, bathing in the orange evening glow of the setting sun.

Why do you have to go back then? Why does it have to end? Why can’t you just be here? Why do you want to leave all of this and go back to clients that don’t care, projects that fail, sourcing information technology talent, making business proposals, being a technology architect and other such things? You are good at them, no doubt, but do you really like it!?

Life is what you often end up doing on weekends, vacations and holidays; unless of course, if you love your work enough to make it your life. In case you are able to do that, you are lucky and will live a great life! But you typically end up doing what you are really good at, and that may not be what you really love. This is what I call the internal conflict of “urban dwelling free spirits of nature” like me. Today I feel, I have failed myself. I can’t stop myself from going back to the grind. I feel strongly though, that soon there will be a day when I will be able to do just that. Not have to go back.

Be the postcard.

We discuss our “high moments” in the car while driving through miles and miles of nothingness through Wyoming. For Vishnu it just had to be spotting the grizzly cub and for Sahana it was the unreal view of the Bryce Canyon from Inspiration Point. Anu reminded us all of the sheer majesty of Park Avenue at Arches National Park – how much she wanted to walk into that view, and hike right through it. For me it just had to be the sudden appearance of the Delicate Arch under the evening sun, accompanied by a gust of wind – in a moment of pure magic. I will treasure that moment for a long time.

The Courtyard Marriott at Denver is a delightful urban hotel, and does practically nothing to reduce the longing we have for the wilderness. “Welcome”, it says, “… to the real. Welcome to the superficial”.

It has been unreal, grand, dreamy and right out of a fantasy.  And like all good things, this one has to come to an end too. I am glad we did it, and I know I can’t complain it’s over.

But it is. And I am complaining!


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